REVIEW: Artemis Fowl

Fans of Eion Colfer's teen fantasy book, Artemis Fowl, have no doubt been eyeing this movie adaptation with some unrest in between all the shuffling of release dates and strict secrecy pertaining to the movie's plot and development. A beacon of hope amidst this was the assurance of Kenneth Brannagh's proficiency as a director. Unfortunately, Brannagh just appears complicit to this movie's ultimate dive-bombing. Brannagh remains one of my favorite directors currently working, some of my favorite works of his (such as his 2015 reimagining of Cinderella) even came from under the Disney banner, so I can only imagine what must have happened to Brannagh that caused him to forget how to competently direct a film.

The film follows 12-year-old super genius, Artemis Fowl, (Ferdia Shaw) son of controversial public figure, Artemis Fowl Sr. (Colin Farrell) the only person for whom Artemis has any respect. When his father mysteriously disappears and Artemis receives a sinister ransoming call, our 12-year-old protagonist learns that a world of fairies exists in a (literally) underground community. He plots to ransom one of these fairies, Holly Short (Lara McDonnel), in order to retrieve an object that will help him save his father.

Most of the film's shortcomings sprout from a lack of basic writing coherency. I could not tell you, for
example, the exact moment when Artemis moves from thinking fairies are just stories to believing in them enough to kidnap one of them. The film moves along at rapid pace, as if hoping that in skull-dragging you along you won't have time to notice the many glaring contrivances of the narrative. Why exactly is kidnapping a fairy the best way to save his father? Why is the father such a controversial public figure again? Time freeze spells do what when they run out? The impossibly short runtime of 93 minutes only aggravates the movie's deficiencies.

But even an extended runtime would likely be insufficient to salvage this film as it feels comprehensively incoherent. The film occasionally indulges in playful gimmicks to add flavor, like speeding up and slowing down the camera in the middle of an action sequence, but trying to navigate through the sloppy scenes that result just feels like wading through jello. It's here that I am most disappointed in the film, as the blame appears to lie largely with Brannagh who simply cannot or will not balance the many spinning plates of the film.

None of the actors leave any impression, including child actors Shaw and McDonnel. Collin Farrel, perhaps the most talented actor in the ensemble (hm . . . maybe Judy Dench), is washed out amidst the cacophony. Disney alum Josh Gad surprises in a most un-Olaf role as lovable scoundrel Mulch Diggums, an oversized dwarf, but even he remains an isolated victory as none of the other actors echo his charisma.

It would be easy to cast this as just another example of how the book will always be better (limiting as that adage may be), but this movie's incoherencies are much more internalized than that. What may hurt fans of the book more than not seeing favorite lines or moments from the book recreated is seeing the story reduced to such a nonsensical babbling so out of tune with the rhythms of compelling visual storytelling.

Disney, Brannagh, you're better than this. Get it together.

--The Professor

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